Dating a Programmer
Should you?
I should warn you tho: you’re taking dating advice from a guy who is single at the time of this writing — keep that at the back of your mind.
Alright! That said…
So, you’re dating a programmer, planning on dating one, or you simply have no idea what I’m talking about? No worries, I got you.
A programmer, in my own words, is a person that knows how to convince a machine to do whatever it is that they want. Programmers are not your IT guy. The folks that fix printers and Internet at your workplace are not programmers. Programmers are creators more than they’re fixers. Their domain is mostly soft. Sure, they’ll deal with hardware (sometimes) but only to give it a couple of instructions.
Let me also say this. Forget what you see in the movies. Forget the nerdy, skinny, confused-looking guy with frames that seems so detached from reality. If you know any programmer buddies, you probably agree that what the movies sometimes portray is lacking in a number of ways.
Programmers are a rare breed of humans. They possess qualities that others don’t. Programmers are very sociable people, on the contrary. They just think differently and tend to make you feel dumb around them— kidding. They’re just really cool people. Programmers are very simple beings. A typical programmer basically needs their computer, power, Internet, food, and (once in a while) a couple of distractions — and they’re good, till when there’s need to hang out or do some outdoor.
What qualifies me to talk about this — you ask. Well, I have both dated a programmer and someone from a completely different field. In my early programming days, I had this girl: Law student, pretty and stuff — as you’d obviously expect. She was a babe! We had this thing going on and I can attest it was real. Long story short, I have no idea what she up to nowadays! I know what you’re thinking but you’re wrong! We had our good times tho, and I learnt this one thing from her: patience. If you’re to date a programmer, you just gotta be patient, both with them and yourself. And this kind of patience comes in different forms.
Give them time — and space! Programmers tend to get taken up by whatever problem they’re trying to solve. We plugin. We get immersed. We swim deep. That’s who we are, essentially. And until our brains are satisfied with the solution we’ve created, our minds never settle. We could even get up in the middle of the night just to try out a different approach to the problem. It can get crazier, trust me. So you gotta be patient with us. Maybe you want to catch that movie with us — we’d love to, too — but some other time, maybe— not now, at least.
Don’t mix things up, tho. Programmers can have fun — lots of it. Some of the most exciting and fun people I’ve met are programmers. When you hang out with one, you can’t believe they’re the ones that created that amazing app you’re so much into. They choose to have the fun, and when they do, it’s real — unlike other people that make it a routine to, say, go out every Friday. Programmers go out to celebrate anything from bug fixes to product launches, have the money and means to do so, and keep an open mind while at it. It’s always lit.
They’re exposed. Most of you agree that tech has some of the hottest girls and guys — mainly because of the kind of talent required, and the general culture of the industry. Not all are programmers tho. Some are Designers, Salespeople, Lawyers — most of whom are young adults — warm bloods, free souls — and your girl or guy gets to interact with them on a daily at work, events, and hangouts. Your girl or guy meets people from all walks of life and parts of the globe.
So, they’re exposed and you need to understand that — and make peace with it. Maybe they’re not coming through or opening up as you think they should. It could be that they’re not willing to make that jump at the moment — perhaps still weighing the options. They calculate. They evaluate. They want to be sure before they make that commitment. That’s just how they’re wired. So, be patient. Take their word. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t be insecure — it shall kill you. If they’ve chosen you, they most probably mean it. Take a chill pill.
Also, it is the sad truth but most programmers will cherish their career and its development more than anything else, and they’ll avoid anything that they think is not healthy for it. Support them. Encourage them to get better. Buy them a course from Udacity on their birthday. Walk with them, basically. But also distract them, once in a while — trust me, it helps. Just don’t try so hard. You have a life, too. Programmers can be users. They’re used to issuing commands and having things their way. Keep them in check. Find a balance. If you feel overwhelmed, probably that’s not a good sign.
One last thing from me: programmers are global citizens. They’re not limited by borders. They can work anywhere in the world — any time. They’ll most probably go where the job leads without giving it much thought. Dating a programmer means you have to accept the fact that they won’t be available sometimes — for really long periods, at times. This nomadic mindset of programmers hinders most from making long-term plans, and explains why they may be slow at making decisions that most people consider important. Their next trip could be any time from now.
So, should you? Should you go ahead and date one? You know the answer to that! It’s you at the end of the day. Do whatever you think makes sense in your own context, and have fun while you’re at it.
